December 2009
AnnoyedI stare back at what was me. That little girl from Alaska far away from home, and so torn in the inside. What to do, dreams to dream and all the other amazing things I had to shread up, eat and keep walking with, as torn bits of flesh leave the pieces behind.
I've done many things the last five year and it's so strange to think that the sixth one is rolling it's way onto my lap without even a nodd of my approval. Time is one thing we can not control or change and time helps us all learn from everything.
What have I been up too? Working more than I sleep, and sleeping less than five hours a day. But I'm happy with it. I feel accomplished and ready to take the world over again. I have a brand new apartment in a few weeks and am excited for long nights at the computer and working on my memoir again.
I am still healing, still trying to find that girl I wanted to be, that one with all the powers to take over the world. I fell this time, and the scares are really deep. The memories are haunting and the nights are long. I'm trying to make the best of it and keep my head in the game of life.
Memories are one thing that are hard to let go, let slip away, let melt to some place else far from here.
It's been a rough six months and I'll have to admit it really made me know that it's okay to cry. I take those moments for what they are let them out and keep going.
They say that time makes all things possible, they say that things happen for a reason, they say sometimes you don't get over it, they say that people who touch your lives may not even realize it. I walk firm, with my head up and have changed so much of me into who I needed to be.
My hair will always remain short, my wrist will always remain tatooed, my eyes will always have a far away look, and my heart.... part of it will always be a little gone. I lost a large part of me and it will take me a long time to rebuild and heal the hollow spots into scares.It's not that I want that piece gone, it's that it was something a lot better than what it has become.
I still continue with my plans, I'm going to look at a new school after the holidays and have started surrounding myself with people again. It's been a mixed up road of feelings and a lot of ......... soul searching.....
"Wasted Time"
Say it to my face
Look me in the eyes
And say what you have to say
You know we can't erase these words before goodbye
And turn the final page
Ahh here comes alone again
Everything's broken
Everything's vacant
Everything's wasted time again
Sentiments hopeless
Innocence jaded
Everything's wasted time again
And so we leave this stage
And all our best read lines
And all the acts we played
So say you wanna leave
And say we never held the way we always hoped we'd try
And say hello to alone again
'Cause, everything's broken
Everything's vacant
Everything's wasted time again
Sentiments hopeless
Innocence jaded
Everything's wasted time again
Ahh someday we might find
Some sacred place in time
But until then all we'll share
Are dreams we've left behind
'Cause everything's broken
Everything's vacant
Everything's wasted time again
Ahh, yeah!
Everything's broken
Everything's vacant
Everything's wasted time again
Sentiments hopeless
Innocence jaded
Everything's wasted time again
Everything's broken
Everything's vacant
Everything's wasted time again
Sentiments hopeless
Innocence jaded
Everything's wasted time again
Everything is broken
Everything is wasted time
Everything is broken
Everything is wasted time
........Music is what holds me together. I went to an O.A.R. concert and the song Shattered came on and the crowd went crazy, and my head went to the first time I heard the song driving home from my friends house where I'd stayed for a week and a half trying to keep myself from drowning in a bottle of Captain. ...... and I just threw my hands up sang and danced like all the other people... and finally felt like it was going to be okay.....
In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you
Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you
But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you
But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
Give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now
How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting
Always turn the car around
How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around
...........
But to be fully honest..... I believe things happen for a reason. And I will conquor the world no matter who I come out as at the end ......
Adu,
Hallie
btw I'll be back to being a devi addict come January... I'll renew my site and add a boat load of stuff, as well as get to the almost 2000 pieces to get too
Joy
Tired
